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We want to help you learn how to recover from an affair amid this overwhelming pain. Recovering From an Affair. Whether you or your spouse recently confessed extramarital affair, we want to help you recover from the affair amid this overwhelming pain.
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Note to the reader: Over the years we’ve counseled hundreds of couples who are grappling with the aftermath of marital infidelity. While the details may vary, the pain is very real in every situation. This article includes input from numerous marriage and family therapists who have accumulated years of counseling experience with couples through Focus on the Family’s counseling service and Hope Restored marriage intensives. We hope that after you’ve read this information you won’t hesitate to follow up by visiting Focus on the Family’s Counseling Services and Referrals page or HopeRestored.com . We’re here for you and your spouse as you seek answers and pursue healing for your difficult situation — as you recover from an affair. May God grant you His wisdom and strength for the road ahead. -Dr. Greg Smalley, Psy, D. -Erin Smalley BSN, MS Download a PDF of this article . Jump to each section of this article: A Devastating Revelation What Is the Definition of Infidelity? When the Affair Comes to Light To the Offended Spouse: Steps Forward To the Unfaithful Spouse: Where Do You Begin? To the Couple: Working as a Team to Care for Your Marriage. A devastating revelation. “Why did this happen?” “Is our marriage over?” “Can I ever trust my spouse again?” “Do I know everything—or are more revelations coming?” “Who is this person I am married to?” “Will she cheat again?” “How can I ever forgive him?” “How do I begin to heal?” “How long will it take before we can feel normal again?” According to current statistics, approximately 30 – 60% of all married individuals in the United States will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage. Of course, these are not just numbers on a spreadsheet, they are real husbands and wives facing unspeakable pain and confusion. You never dreamed you would find yourself in their shoes, and you certainly don’t want to be just another statistic. Although you may feel hopeless in this moment, you need to know that there is hope—and a way through this. While it will take willingness, repentance, and intentionality, you and your spouse can recover from an affair by responding decisively and well to this unwanted trial. https://youtu.be/SC1DFgnjXy0. What is the definition of infidelity? The unfaithfulness might be romantic or sexual—involving physical contact that expresses romance, physical attraction, or sexual desire (i.e. holding hands, hugging, kissing, intercourse, etc.). The betrayal might be emotional—an intense bond “between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy” of a marriage relationship. The infidelity might be online—a cyber affair with sexual or emotional undertones carried out “via chat, webcam, email, text, social media, or other forms of communication.” When the affair comes to light. Do not make any quick decisions about ending your marriage. Begin the process of healing your heart—identifying your emotions and grieving the impact of the affair. Take your time. If you are the offending spouse, admitting the exact nature of what happened without concealing critical facts is important. However, a fuller picture of the essential details will take some time and guidance to prepare. Tell the truth, but don’t rush into the intimate details immediately. Minimizations, omissions, and unnecessarily graphic information can do additional harm. Be truthful, be patient, and seek guidance on how to appropriately engage in full disclosure. Give each other individual space. The revelation of an affair can be very traumatic and intense. You might find yourself acting in unfamiliar ways due to the heightened sensitivities involved. This can include wide-ranging emotions (fear, anger, insecurity, etc.) as well as physical symptoms and loss of sleep. So, make every effort not to neglect your physical health. Take a time-out when you need to de-escalate emotions. Seek support. Surround yourself with those who make you feel the safest, such as a same-sex friend or a trusted family member.
have an affair free site