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Article about how to meet guys offline:
Maybe it',s time to get out there and meet people in real life. A sexuality and relationship educator shares advice about how to meet new people, strike up conversations and move on from a love interest if the vibe isn',t there. How to ditch the apps and date offline.
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You're Listening to LIFE KIT from NPR. Hey, everybody. It's Marielle. If you've ever done online dating, you know that it can be exhausting - the endless swiping, the conversations that go nowhere, the weird interactions where it feels like somebody is just on a different planet than you. Like, you've exchanged two messages and suddenly, they're sending you naked pics. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster of really vibing with somebody on the app and then getting to the date and it's just nothing. Nothing there. It can make you want to stop dating entirely. But there is another option. It may not seem like it, but you can meet people to date in person. JAYDA SHUAVARNNASRI: If the apps are not feeling good anymore, then I would suggest folks, like, all right, let's try other ways that do feel good for you. SEGARRA: Jayda Shuavarnnasri is a sexuality and relationship educator. Now, dating offline is a mindset shift. You don't instantly get the information that you would from someone's online profile, like whether they're available or interested in your gender or what kind of romantic connections they're seeking. SHUAVARNNASRI: In the offline space, it's often a little bit challenging to know if someone wants to be approached or if someone is looking for that type of connection. SEGARRA: But that's not an insurmountable challenge. It just makes dating offline more of a long game. SHUAVARNNASRI: When we're dating offline, it's just how do we open up all these different avenues of people coming into my life? SEGARRA: On this episode of LIFE KIT - how to find folks to date out in the world. We will walk you through some of the steps to take to start noticing other people, make yourself approachable, spark conversations and get to the point where you're exchanging numbers. And we'll talk about how to manage fears of rejection and make sure you're respecting other people's boundaries. So I feel like ever since we got so attached to our phones, and since online dating became a thing, we have stopped noticing people in real life as much. Like, if I pick my head up and look around when I'm on the subway or at an outdoor cafe or maybe at the park, if people aren't talking to someone else, then their head is usually buried in a phone. And I wonder if one of the first steps to finding folks to date offline is just noticing other people or being present in the moment. SHUAVARNNASRI: Yes. I 100% agree, as well as, you know, thinking about this conversation of how have I met people in real life in person, and I think a big part of it is because I am actually a really big advocate of spending time alone and doing things solo. If I'm sitting at a restaurant, I'm trying to take in my surroundings. I'm trying to notice what's in front of me. I'm not just engaged in my phone. And with that, I look more approachable. But I'm also noticing who else in the room is approachable. And so I agree that, like, the first kind of step into meeting people in real life is to actually be present in your surroundings. SEGARRA: OK. so one takeaway, it sounds like, it's to be in the moment, right? Be present, not be buried in your phone. And also, try going places alone. So let's say you're doing those things and you do notice somebody. You think they're cute. SEGARRA: What do you do next? SHUAVARNNASRI: What happens? What happens after you notice someone - right? - or they notice. SHUAVARNNASRI: . You? You know, the first thing is deciding whether or not you want to open a conversation. So I'm really big on, like, if you're going to engage with someone, and even if you're someone who's available for dating and you want to date, the goal isn't to just get a date. The goal of engaging in a conversation with someone isn't to get the phone number, secure a date right in that moment. The goal is to just have a pleasant interaction. SHUAVARNNASRI: And so actual things that you can say - asking for suggestions about, like, anything. So, like, ask them, hey, have you tried the food here before? What are you drinking? Would you recommend it? A great opening question is, like, hey, so what brought you here today? What are you up to today? What are you here for - you know, so opening up the conversation beyond a yes or no kind of question answer around and actually being curious about why that person is there. SEGARRA: Do you ever just, like, compliment something, like - or, like, you're sitting at the bar next to somebody, and they got the rosemary bun. And you're like, ooh, how is that? SHUAVARNNASRI: Yeah, that's a great one. How is that? Do you like it? Is there other things here that you like? Those are just, like, really simple interactions that you would want to have with anyone regardless of whether or not it's for dating potential. SEGARRA: The thing about asking a question that is, like - they're not sure if you want to talk to them because you think they're cute, or because you just want to know how the rosemary bun is is that someone who's, like, maybe a little shy or reserved would be like, oh, it's really good. And that would be it, you know? Like. SHUAVARNNASRI: Yes. That's true. SEGARRA: The conversation can easily, and you'll never know if that's because they weren't into or because they just didn't know what else to say after that. SHUAVARNNASRI: That is true. That is very true.
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