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If this were a ‘,90s rom-com, and I were a beloved (relatable) Hollywood starlet, the mediocre airport bar from which I am writing would make for a superb romantic backdrop. But much to my chagrin, I am me, and the year is 2021 —, and thus far, not even one mythically attractive stranger has approached me to ask about my astrological sign or the new Sally Rooney. Which is to say, in the era of algorithmic romance, it’,s highly possible that the proper “,meet-cute”, is dead.
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In The Era Of Online Dating, Why Are We Still So Obsessed With Meet-Cutes? If this were a ‘90s rom-com, and I were a beloved (relatable) Hollywood starlet, the mediocre airport bar from which I am writing would make for a superb romantic backdrop. But much to my chagrin, I am me, and the year is 2021 — and thus far, not even one mythically attractive stranger has approached me to ask about my astrological sign or the new Sally Rooney. Which is to say, in the era of algorithmic romance, it’s highly possible that the proper “meet-cute” is dead. If you’re not familiar, the standard “meet-cute” is precisely as it sounds: Some serendipitous, romantic origin story between strangers, a happenstance crossing of paths that is, well… cute. As defined by decades’ worth of romance films, and probably the archives of Craigslist’s “Missed Connections,” it’s all about the rare act of simply being in the right place at the right time. For so long, this was the standard — but at present, this particular approach is far from the norm. Now, we use The Internet. Thanks to the proliferation of dating apps in rotation, we’ve all got catalogs of pre-vetted, local suitors available in the palms of our hands at any given time. Efficient? Yes. Cinematic? Less so. That’s not to imply your run-of-the-mill Hinge date can’t be plenty life-changing, though: Countless folks have built life-long, loving partnerships from online forums. “We don’t have any evidence claiming that couples who meet through apps are less successful than those who meet more naturally out in the world,” says Lee Wilson, certified relationship coach. “In 20 years of working with couples, I’ve found that the origin story doesn’t make much of a difference.” Even so, it would seem that our discourse around dating has yet to catch up with our real-time MOs. Think about it: In most cases, “How did you meet?” is still the first question you pose to a new couple. No matter how quickly our dating landscape continues to evolve, we can’t seem to part with our enduring fixation on poetic, unplanned origin stories. And Wilson believes this may be a mistake. “Maybe it’s time we considered reshaping the narrative around first encounters,” he offers. “If apps are a necessary evil, then maybe we should all refer to our first dates — or other important, early moments — as our origin stories.” Or, at the very least, perhaps we should fight our knee-jerk reaction to ask a couple about their meeting scenario — and instead, find a more revelatory, up-to-date question. “I’m tired of waiting for my meet-cute! The number of times I’ve ‘dressed up’ to fetch a coffee or browse around a bookstore in the hopes of encountering my dream man is far too many,” says Boston-based student Iman Balagam. “Sure, waiting for ‘something magical’ to happen can be inspiring — but mostly, it leaves me with an eternal sense of disappointment. Waiting around for magic to occur is a pretty great way to set yourself up for failure.” Greeting the world with a romantic, expectant kind of hope is not inherently a bad thing — if arguably naive. But at the same time, our fascination with the quintessential, cinematic meet-cute might preclude us from seeing the magic in modern dating, too: There’s something to be said for exercising agency in the face of love, even if it requires a smartphone. “Maybe matching on an app is not very ‘Hollywood romance,’ but we shouldn’t discount the fact that it’s still special. It still requires that two people forge some sort of a connection that can be felt even through the fiber optics of the internet, and that’s a beautiful thing,” says Wilson. “I understand that we all wish that we could say we met at Niagara Falls by happenstance, but it’s still an undeniably special thing that any two particular people on a planet of eight billion could meet and share something real.” So, in the interest of reconceptualizing how, exactly, we frame the standard meet-cute in 2021 — be it a question of DMs, app matches, set-ups, or Slack banter — we asked folks across the globe to share their most recent, formative, romantic origin stories.
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