Jewish rules for dating
Posted: Wed Apr 01, 2026 1:36 pm
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Article about jewish rules for dating:
Modern novels, movies, magazines, and television programs which fantasize and glorify the notion of “romantic love” are describing a type of ideal relationship that may
LOVE, DATING, AND ROMANCE. Modern novels, movies, magazines, and television programs which fantasize and glorify the notion of “romantic love” are describing a type of ideal relationship that may exist in literary form or in the poetic imagination, but which bears very little resemblance to what love is all about in the everyday world of real life. People who read love stories or watch television programs should realize that while courtship, chivalry, romance and passion do play their separate and respective roles in the dramatic awakening and eventual attainment of satisfaction in love, these are all elements in a process, but they do not by any means add up to the whole of the love experience.
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Nor is romantic love an end in itself, so that it cannot and should not be accepted in defense of any type of behavior in any male-female relationship which is less than a properly controlled one. Such explanations as “We couldn’t help ourselves, we just fell in love”, or “we didn’t realize what was happening” are excuses, not reasons, because people usually do realize very well indeed, what is happening, they all too often try to convince themselves that certain forms of intimacy are justified because the two individuals concerned happen to be truly in love. To fool oneself through this tactic is to lose control over oneself. Romantic love is not always related to real love, especially when it ignores the true personalities and mutual interest of those involved. To be ruled by one’s emotions and feelings, uncontrolled and undirected by logic, values and clear thinking, with no clear sense of goals and responsibility, is to ignore the only factors which can establish a firm foundation for a permanent and mature life-long relationship. The theme repeated everywhere in novels and movies is that “I am in love and my love is beyond my control”, “I fell in love”, it was as though someone pushed me off a cliff and it was all accidental and unintentional. The Jewish approach warns us not to “love in spite of yourself”, but to love “because of yourself”. Find out what you’re headed for. Enter into the love relationship with your eyes open, not with your eyes closed. Don’t accept blind dates, unless you know who the potential partner is. If you find that you are “falling”, realize while your eyes are still open, while you can still think clearly and objectively, who this person is for whom you are falling. By whom, I refer to background, commitment, education, character, personality, family, friends, values, concern for others, goals and ideals—the things that really count—not the external, superficial things, some of which may be “put on”. Fall in love with the real person inside the skin. Fall in love deliberately, with control, not on the rebound, or because you’re simply “in love with love”. Fall in love only after you have come to know yourself, not because you feel insecure and think “no one loves me”, and not because you don’t get along with your parents and are anxious to leave home. Don’t let your craving for acceptance or love lead you to throw yourself at the first person who gives you a tumble or is “pliable” in physical conduct. All this is a matter of decency, honesty and fairness to yourself, to the other person involved, and to your family and Jewish tradition. It is a pre-condition of authentic and lasting love. Let the woman use her “feminine charm”, it’s her legitimate prerogative, a healthy manifestation of her femininity. It’s quite one thing to be charmed by it, but don’t be taken in don’t let it blind you, don’t fall for it. If you take the romantic love angle too seriously, you will lose your proper place in the marital relationship and, with it, lose your dignity and your role as master of your destiny. Young men, too, often employ a trickery more harmful and more dangerous than that employed by women. There is no ultimate danger if a girl employs her femininity to charm a young man into turning a fleeting interest into a more serious one. Young men, however, sometimes deceive a young woman into thinking that they are in love, while all they want is a physical relationship. Intimacy without true love, commitment and permanence is a price too high to pay. Friendship Before Marriage. Why does Jewish Tradition demand that the relationship between men and women before marriage stop at the point of physical contact? And why is such restraint, forbidding even mere “touching” (or negiah in Hebrew), so crucial a factor in the successful observance of those laws that define the Jewish standards of family loyalty and interpersonal relationships? Jewish law states that once a young woman begins menstruating, she assumes the status of nidah, and remains, from that point on, “off limits”, in regard to physical contact with men, until the day of her marriage.
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Article about jewish rules for dating:
Modern novels, movies, magazines, and television programs which fantasize and glorify the notion of “romantic love” are describing a type of ideal relationship that may
LOVE, DATING, AND ROMANCE. Modern novels, movies, magazines, and television programs which fantasize and glorify the notion of “romantic love” are describing a type of ideal relationship that may exist in literary form or in the poetic imagination, but which bears very little resemblance to what love is all about in the everyday world of real life. People who read love stories or watch television programs should realize that while courtship, chivalry, romance and passion do play their separate and respective roles in the dramatic awakening and eventual attainment of satisfaction in love, these are all elements in a process, but they do not by any means add up to the whole of the love experience.
Click here for Jewish rules for dating
Nor is romantic love an end in itself, so that it cannot and should not be accepted in defense of any type of behavior in any male-female relationship which is less than a properly controlled one. Such explanations as “We couldn’t help ourselves, we just fell in love”, or “we didn’t realize what was happening” are excuses, not reasons, because people usually do realize very well indeed, what is happening, they all too often try to convince themselves that certain forms of intimacy are justified because the two individuals concerned happen to be truly in love. To fool oneself through this tactic is to lose control over oneself. Romantic love is not always related to real love, especially when it ignores the true personalities and mutual interest of those involved. To be ruled by one’s emotions and feelings, uncontrolled and undirected by logic, values and clear thinking, with no clear sense of goals and responsibility, is to ignore the only factors which can establish a firm foundation for a permanent and mature life-long relationship. The theme repeated everywhere in novels and movies is that “I am in love and my love is beyond my control”, “I fell in love”, it was as though someone pushed me off a cliff and it was all accidental and unintentional. The Jewish approach warns us not to “love in spite of yourself”, but to love “because of yourself”. Find out what you’re headed for. Enter into the love relationship with your eyes open, not with your eyes closed. Don’t accept blind dates, unless you know who the potential partner is. If you find that you are “falling”, realize while your eyes are still open, while you can still think clearly and objectively, who this person is for whom you are falling. By whom, I refer to background, commitment, education, character, personality, family, friends, values, concern for others, goals and ideals—the things that really count—not the external, superficial things, some of which may be “put on”. Fall in love with the real person inside the skin. Fall in love deliberately, with control, not on the rebound, or because you’re simply “in love with love”. Fall in love only after you have come to know yourself, not because you feel insecure and think “no one loves me”, and not because you don’t get along with your parents and are anxious to leave home. Don’t let your craving for acceptance or love lead you to throw yourself at the first person who gives you a tumble or is “pliable” in physical conduct. All this is a matter of decency, honesty and fairness to yourself, to the other person involved, and to your family and Jewish tradition. It is a pre-condition of authentic and lasting love. Let the woman use her “feminine charm”, it’s her legitimate prerogative, a healthy manifestation of her femininity. It’s quite one thing to be charmed by it, but don’t be taken in don’t let it blind you, don’t fall for it. If you take the romantic love angle too seriously, you will lose your proper place in the marital relationship and, with it, lose your dignity and your role as master of your destiny. Young men, too, often employ a trickery more harmful and more dangerous than that employed by women. There is no ultimate danger if a girl employs her femininity to charm a young man into turning a fleeting interest into a more serious one. Young men, however, sometimes deceive a young woman into thinking that they are in love, while all they want is a physical relationship. Intimacy without true love, commitment and permanence is a price too high to pay. Friendship Before Marriage. Why does Jewish Tradition demand that the relationship between men and women before marriage stop at the point of physical contact? And why is such restraint, forbidding even mere “touching” (or negiah in Hebrew), so crucial a factor in the successful observance of those laws that define the Jewish standards of family loyalty and interpersonal relationships? Jewish law states that once a young woman begins menstruating, she assumes the status of nidah, and remains, from that point on, “off limits”, in regard to physical contact with men, until the day of her marriage.
israeli dating rules
shidduch dating rules
orthodox jewish dating rules
dating jewish rules